I am a professional counselor working in Castle Rock and Centennial helping clients who have experienced Childhood Trauma and Neglect
Childhood Trauma Causes a lot of Adult Stress
What does it look like? Childhood trauma when it happens does not need a lot of explanation. What it looks like when the child has not been helped to process that trauma or neglect and is now an adult is where I come in.
- Get up, dressed, eat and go to school.
- Pay attention and try to get good grades.
- Maybe have friends, but if you don’t in an abusive home no one notices, so you are okay. Furthermore, friends can be a cause of more pain. Maybe your strategy has been to not stand out too much. Another common idea for a long time was to dress Goth of trench coat so you scare people away.
- Smile or do other distractive acts to act normal when you are bleeding out inside.
However, when that child becomes an adult, there are more tasks, especially if they have the fortune of marrying.
Some Adult Task that Steal from Time to Deal with Your Trauma
- All of the above still applies to your life.
- If you are in a good marriage you may get some emotional support, but it may not help with the heavy toll of the damage and so your partner will work hard and not get all of you, or feel they have a handle of who you are.
- If you are in a bad marriage your avoidance or anxiety about the relationship will cause triggers to go off in your partner. A push/pull or just a push or pull develops between you both and no one’s needs are met resulting in further damage to self-esteem.
- Bills are due, car or home maintenance is required, children may
need attending, and disengaging from your partner as you may have with friends at school is no longer an option for doing life.
- Addictions and other escapes don’t work as well or not without getting us, as adult, in considerable trouble.
- Life seems harder than it is for other people. You don’t act as spontaneous and easy going with others, and may even be falling into a low or moderate grade depression. But you tell yourself you have a good job and family which is what has the appearance of success.
- Your body starts to break down from the stress of not much going right for you.
- Divorce may be in your future, or you may have never gotten married even though you would have wanted to.
What You May Feel All Because the Trauma Stress is Running in the Background of Your Life
As an adult, you are left feeling like you didn’t get all the instructions for the game being played. You got a short deck of cards, you got a lemon on the car lot. You eventually feel like is too difficult, that it is always an uphill battle for job position of partner’s love. You wonder if there was something more a “smart” person would have done or noticed that you cannot see. You know you are not living up to your potential, but you are getting tired of trying. You are looking for the escape door for starting over or getting a new identity.
You feel mad, disillusioned, despairing, lost, abandoned, worthless, diminished or obsolete, empty, tired, and mostly alone.
But you grew in a way you may not have realized!
The good news is that none of these battles you have been fighting has been in vain. They have made you aware of a problem that success would have clouded. Yes! We do all want and NEED successes in our lives. Many times the person who had family trauma has a great deal of success for a time in their life. They may have found a great job or be adept of some technical discipline. They may have found a great partner. But, eventually if the hole inside is not filled all these success seem to drop into that hole and disappear. But a high level of courage is what all these struggles have developed in you. I encourage your to not every deny or dismiss that courage.
You will need it for your journey ahead into clearly understanding how that trauma affected you; your outlook on life, the world, and your self-esteem/independence.
How I can help
- I provide a safe confidential place to explore the feelings you have now, and how life needs to change now.
- I also provide the calming mindful techniques you will need for processing those feelings and those from your past. Along with those I do some neurodevelopment around resources for you to use when memories come up.
- In my office you will be able to connect with compassion for what you have experienced and for your journey out of the negative thoughts and behaviors that are rooted in your childhood.
- I understand how hard it is to look back and will encourage you regularly to trust your courage.
Call now for an appointment and so you can have a sense that you are not alone in this