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Childhood Trauma and Neglect Leads to Adult Stress

I am a professional counselor working in Castle Rock and Centennial helping clients who have experienced Childhood Trauma and Neglect

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our own light by Brene Brown
I love this quote by Brene Brown.

Childhood Trauma Causes a lot of Adult Stress

What does it look like?  Childhood trauma, when it happens, does not need a lot of explanation.  What it looks like when the child has not been helped to process that trauma or neglect and is now an adult, is where I come in.

In a child’s world, and even in adolescence there are few real life tasks to be completed.  Even when the child has experienced trauma, he or she is usually able to develop a sufficient level of competency in these few childhood tasks.5 kids smiling in a circle facing camera

  1. Get up, dressed, eat and go to school.
  2. Pay attention and try to get good grades.
  3. Maybe have friends, but if you don’t in an abusive home no one notices, so you are okay. Furthermore, friends can be a cause of more pain. Sometimes a strategy is been to not stand out too much. Another common idea for a long time was to dress Goth of trench coat so you scare people away.
  4. Smile or do other distractive acts to act normal when you are bleeding out inside.

However, when that child becomes an adult, there are more tasks, especially if they have the fortune of marrying.

Some Adult Task that Steal from Time to Deal with Your Trauma

  1. All of the tasks listed above still apply to your life.
  2. If you are in a good marriage you may get some emotional support, but it may not help with the heavy toll of the damage from abuse or neglect.  So your partner will work hard and not get “all of you,” or feel they have a grasp of who you really are.
  3. If you are in a bad marriage your avoidance or anxiety about the relationship will cause triggers to go off in your partner. A push/pull or just a push or pull develops between you both.  No one’s needs are met resulting in further damage to self-esteem.
  4. Disengaging from your partner, as you may have with friends at school is no longer an option for doing life when bills are due, car and home maintenance is required, and children may need attending. You find you must engage, but do not have the depth of relationship tools necessary to overt a fight or withdrawal response from your partner.
  5. You find out that as an adult, addictions and other escapes don’t work as well or not without getting you in considerable trouble.
  6. Life seems harder than it is for other people. You don’t act as spontaneous and easy going with others, and may even be falling into a moderate or severe grade of depression.  But you tell yourself you have a good job and family. You may have the appearance of success.
  7. Your body starts to break down from the stress from many areas of conflict.
  8. Your may be looking at divorce in your future.  Or you may have never gotten married even though you would have wanted to.

Man with head in hand struggling for the right choice

What You May Feel All Because the Trauma Stress is Running in the Background of Your Life

As an adult, you are left feeling like you didn’t get all the instructions for the game being played.  You got a short deck of cards. You got a lemon on the car lot. You eventually feel like life is too difficult. That it is always an uphill battle for a job position of a partner’s love.  You wonder if there was something more a “smart” person would have done or noticed that you can not or did not see.  You know you are not living up to your potential, but you are getting tired of trying.  You are looking for the escape door or alternative universe for starting over or getting a new identity.

You feel mad, disillusioned, despairing, lost, abandoned, worthless, small or obsolete, empty, tired, and mostly ALONE.

But you grew in a way you may not have realized!

The good news is that none of these battles you have been fighting has been in vain. They have made you aware of a problem that success would have clouded.  Yes! We do all want and NEED successes in our lives.  Many times the person who had family trauma has a great deal of success for a time in their life.  They may have found a great job or be adept of some technical discipline.  They may have found a great partner.  But, eventually if the hole inside is not filled all these success seem to drop into that hole and disappear.  However, consider that a high level of courage and tenacity is what all these struggles have developed in you.  I encourage you to not every deny or dismiss those key areas of strength.

CourageMan sitting overlooking a mountain range

You will need it for your journey ahead into clearly understanding how that trauma affected you; your outlook on life, the world, and your worthiness for relationship with others..

How I can help

  1. I provide a safe confidential place to explore the feelings you have now, and how life needs to change now.
  2. I also provide the calming mindful techniques you will need for processing those trauma or neglect feelings and memories from your past. Along with those I do some neuroplasticity development around resources for you to use when memories come up.
  3. In my office you will be able to connect with compassion for what you have experienced and for your journey out of the negative thoughts and behaviors that are rooted in your childhood experiences.
  4. I understand how hard it is to look back and will encourage you regularly.

Counselor talking with a client

Call now for an appointment and let’s find your bright light in this darkness.

See my page for Healing the Past.

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