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Chronic Pain and Ambiguous Loss

I am a Professional Counseling with a practice in Castle Rock and Centennial working in the area of PAS, Grandparent Alienation, Mental and Physical Health loss, and other Ambiguous losses.

Sigmund Freud said, “Neuroses is the inability to tolerate ambiguity.”

However, John Wayne said, “Screw ambiguity!”

Who is right?

An Ambiguous Loss is hard to explain to others and harder to get empathy for than other types of losses. But it is none the less as or more devastating and debilitating as a definitive loss.  Typically, there may never be progression to the grief stage of Acceptance and if there is it is difficult to maintain.

Ambiguous loss is the inability to show someone definitely that you have indeed lost something.

This kind of loss makes it hard to wrap words around that help you make sense of the feeling of grief you experience.  When you cannot make sense of your life, your world, it is hard to get your own bearings for your identity.  When you lose your identity it is hard to define what you are good at in the work world. It becomes hard to also keep your own health and social network in balance. Suicide is not uncommon for those who experience these kinds of losses.

I help parents suffering from what can be termed the ambiguous loss of a child.  Ambiguous loss is the sense that the child has not died physically.  However, because the child has not died, there is no closure, only the loss. The hopes and dreams every parent has for long-term relationship with their child, dreams that began when the child was born, are suddenly gone. The grief the parent experiences affects: their future mental and physical health, their ability to hold down a job, and their future relationship success. This lose hurts a parent’s relationship with seeing themselves as a parent and in their spiritual connection as well. Your child can be any age when this lose occurs.

Other Types of Ambiguous Loss

There are several types of ambiguous loss of a child(ren) or self that I help with:

  • Adult child acting out in a socially or physically aggressive or ostracizing way
  • Mental or Physically disabled child(ren)
  • Minor child being physically, or emotionally abusive
  • Parents of children who are coerced by the other parent or another family member to terminate, restrict or abuse a targeted parent.  This is also know as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
  • Loss of your own mental or physical health.
  • Work related losses. 

How I Will Help You

  • By helping people restore a level of dignity and hope they are able to begin establishing healthy boundaries.
  • We can work to develop your resilience and we look at your resources.
  • Often times a person’s own trauma issues restrict their ability to process this new struggle. I help them establish the appropriate safeguards for possible restoration of relationship.
  • We can work to develop a healthy mind and body, connected to relationship with self.  This will help to move into a healthy mind, body connection with themselves, their child in the future, or with their work environment.