I recently had a client who voiced a strong repulsion for the concept of forgiveness. The client later sent me an excellent article on how forgiveness was simply “bull shit.” The arguments the author cited explained away several well-known motives for forgiveness; including one that originated from a famous talk show hostess. I contemplated these arguments and why I still believe forgiveness works! I think there are a lot of misconceptions about what forgiveness is and is not. I came to realize that something huge was missing from this authors’ and my client’s understanding on the subject.
In the first part of my forgiveness blog, I will review the well-known arguments for forgiveness that this article sites and make a brief comment. Here is the link to the article:https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/2013/01/11/forgiveness-is-bullshit/.
There are a lot of people who write and speak affirmingly about the need to forgive and sometimes those people add to the confusion rather than resolve it. Most of the time, I believe, it is because people hear the end result of a process, and don’t understand that often it can be a long and painful journey. They interpret forgiveness as a decision that they must force themselves into accepting for various reasons that sound good on-the-surface. I will try to help unravel the mystery of why many people strongly believe that forgiveness works for them. But, first let’s talk about those end-result mis-understandings that were listed in the article. The titles below are loosely paraphrased from the article.
Forgive because it will set us free from the hurt or anger ……..
another person ignited within us. Then we can show ourselves to be the bigger person who is no longer the victim. Martyrdom or self-righteousness was how this article portrayed this kind of reasoning behind forgiving another person. I don’t recommend martyrdom, but I do recommend forgiveness as a path to being free from the hurt and anger. It is a process to work, when you are ready.