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Jahara’s Window and the Walls We Build (part two)

In looking at Jahara’s Window, the next section is:

The Blind Self-information you don’t know but others know about you

I get acupuncture regularly and it is always amazing to me how she locates the specific places that are SO TENDER!  “I didn’t know I was tender there?” I would tell her.  She knows the energy channels of the body, and when they amassage_womanre stuck they get tender.  Massage therapist do the same thing just by feeling specific places of attachment of muscles and the muscles themselves.  The things I did not know about myself!  They helped me reduce the part of me that was blind to some personal information.  How open am I, are we, to learn about those areas that others already know about us?

I have gone to a chiropractor for many decades and they can tell so much about what area is out of alignment just from the way I walk into their office.  My current chiropractor tells me just by lightly touching areas of my spine which vertebrae is out of alignment.  Then he uses his fancy machine to confirm his diagnosis! What else do others know about ME, but that I cannot see behind a wall? What can I do to change this?

I have learned as a counselor to tell where people are hurting emotionally or where there mental processes have not been integrated into their emotional upsets to provide stability to their life.  My life experiences and the things I have had to overcome also help me with this “knowing” about appropriate integration. I do this for others by listening patiently to their story and by the words they use or don’t use, and the subjects they choose to discuss tells me a lot of where the hurts are.

John Gottman, a famous marriage counselor,John Gottmandeveloped a way to tell within 94% accuracy if a couple would divorce by observing just 15 minutes of their interactions as an engaged couple.  Jahara’s Window demonstrates that there is that unknown you have that other people know about.  How important can it be for you to find ways to uncover the “unknown” personal information?

I say this to encourage you to seek outside help with any mental or emotional stuck place you are in.  There is always a percentage of Blind Self we will have.  That may be the hurting part of you that is hard for you to address in yourself or by yourself.  Do you have those emotional stonewalls when certain topics arise; maybe at the family holiday dinners?  There are women (mostly) who have an image of themselves as being unattractive and yet friends would tell them otherwise. There Blind Selfare men who believe they are not worthy of finding a loving mate.  They don’t recognize the character attributes of kindness, gentleness, loyalty, or self-sacrifice they possess.  They don’t carry themselves with pride as they approach a date or when dating knowing there are many women who would love a man with those qualities.   There are other people that think that if they put up a front of self-confident or being an extrovert that no one will see how broken they are inside.

One thing I know from my experiences with others is that if you don’t deal with the blind part of self, it will take more and more of the percentage of what you know about yourself.  The reason for this is because more and more of your life story will be filled with exclamation marks!!!. What I mean by that is that more and more of the events in your life with not make sensexclamation marke.  Think of the woman in the paragraph above who does not have a good body image, or the man who doesn’t realize his best attributes in a relationship. Sadly, the people who wear self-confidence like a new set of cloths will find themselves friendless because no one can really connect with them for long when they discover they are only a facade.

The Last Panel of Jahara’s Window is the Unknown Self:

The Unknown Self-information about yourself that neither you nor others know about you

I have a friend that was adopted and since being a young child always wanted to find his real mom.  He found out, after she passed, that she had moved to within 60 miles grave siteof where he lived.  I just found out that I have a cousin (something like two times removed) who lives in Canada that came from Easter Europe in the 1980’s.  All the rest of my linage on my mother’s side came in the early part of the 20thcentury.  I want to contact him soon because he knows a lot of the family history missing pieces that we are trying to collect before the older generations passes and is no longer a resource.

The Unknown Self is the real unknown.  We can be curious about it, but then again, maybe we should just hope we’re prepared for whatever the change may be that the unknown can bring us.  For instance, a woman came to my workshop on the Law of Attraction.  She said that life was great for her until, while riding her bike to work, she got ran over by a van. The driver didn’t know he hit her, so he dragged her for several yards. She had a lot of physical and mental depression and trauma to work through in the following years.  She expressed to me that before the accident she would never have guessed any accident would take depressionher down such a path of depression and anxiety.  People in chronic pain are another group of people that would never consider suicide an option for their life, yet pain has pushed them to the limits of what they can handle psychologically.

There are people I have counseled of friends who lost their spouse or partner in a sudden death or drastic illness. They never thought that they would have to live Unknown selfthrough such a long stage of grief they experienced after their loss. It was like going through a long tunnel all alone because grief is a very personal experience.  What all these individual’s thought they knew about themselves was not the truth about themselves.  They did not know, WE do not know, how strong we may need to be, or could be, nor how fragile we actually are.  Until we go through something, especially something tragic, we don’t really know how we will cope.  Often times, people turn toward God in these times because they realize they cannot do this life all on their own.

For this square of Johari’s Window, all you can do is to prepare in the best ways that you can. Hopefully, you will have friends or family to turn to that although they have not experienced you in this huge unknown place, they can help you.  I believe we were not meant to do this life all on our own.  So, the walls we build must come down not only for the sake of those around us that may need us, but also for ourselves. If we are not in the place of needing others today, prepare yourself for tomorrow or the next days.  Someday, most likely you will find yourself in the place of needing a hand up or an arm around you.  I know, I have been there.

If you struggle letting others in and developing strong lasting relationships, I encourage you to turn to counseling sooner rather than later.  Call, text (720-982-7057) or complete the form on the right hand column of my web site.

Have a delightful and safe day,

Valerie

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