Relationship, Boundaries, Trust, Communication and Forgiveness
Our culture doesn’t often talk about forgiveness and yet there is power in seeking forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness will set you free from your part in any hurt you did to another and can be as simple as telling them you are sorry. It should also include actually being sorry enough to not harm them again in that way. After you have taken care of your side of the offense, do not demand that they now forgive you, but rather let them have space to learn to trust you again.
Have you ever had that someone, maybe a “family” someone that you have to forgive and move past an offence? Granting forgiveness is often more difficult than seeking forgiveness because you often wrestle with the possibility that that person will re-offend. Remember that granting forgiveness is not the same as forgetting an offense. Granting forgiveness sets you free from the powerful emotions that come when we are offended. Those emotions include: anger, even hatred, vengeance, shame, bitterness, guilt, and many more. By not forgetting you are establishing a boundary for your protections to not be re-offended.
“Trust Me” It is best to be suspicious of anyone who says you should trust them. It is a lesson often learned in elementary school, but some people whose boundaries have been violated were not allowed to learn it as children. Remember that trust is earned and wisdom is to not give it away too early in a relationship. Unsafe people have characteristics of jealousy, anger, contempt, are defensive, blame others and lie. They also demand trust from others. There are some people who the only safe boundary you should have with them is a high brick wall.
When you are with someone in an establish relationship or a friendship or if you want to be in a relationship, it is wise to have a list of some character traits that you would like to see in the other person. I suggest the traits of mutuality, respect, love, forgiveness, joy and compassion as a good place to start. If one of these is missing adjust your boundary accordingly. You have a right and responsibility to establish healthy boundaries and to reject those person’s who don’t respect your boundaries.
Taking responsibility for our boundaries also includes not stepping on someone else’s boundary, even when they stepped on yours. An example of stepping on someone else’s boundary is if you use anger, intimidation, insults or silence as a way to communicate your needs. Instead, take time to communicate, and listen in a calm reflective manner. Don’t expect that you will get it right the first time or every time. Practice makes you better, and every situation can be a little different.
Copy Right by Valerie Senger
February 27, 2017