Anxiety is exhausting.
What I notice most in the people who I work with who experience anxiety is that they missed receiving a vital component of knowing who they are in this world. This is the part that should make them feel safe in their own skin. They should have a knowing they will be heard if they just speak out. A knowing they have a right to some needs being met by those around them. Instead the people I work with feel lost. They feel no clear distinction between where they end and where others begin. This lack of distinction can include their physical dimensions and their emotional responsibilities. We all “fake it till we make it!” But, that is hard to do for long when you end up stuck, unhappy and fearful of the future.
Here are some stories behind anxiety that I have worked with:
- I should have been over that horrible relationship a long time ago.
- I keep putting myself out there for a solid relationship and can’t seem to get anyone interested. Is there something wrong with me?
- I am smart, have a degree, but I still only land the lower end of the pay scale with jobs.
- I keep explaining myself, even explaining my feelings to my significant other, just to keep getting nowhere, feeling misunderstood and abandoned.
- I keep having constant thoughts of being a failure, of not being smart enough or of not being good enough.
- It feels like an automatic motor is constantly running inside of me.
Rumination, Addiction and Compulsions
Sadly, many of these people resort to addictive behavior to drown out the ruminating thoughts or the compulsive behaviors. Anxiety takes up all their mental energy leaving them with little energy to use in settling the necessary decisions we all need to make. I always say, “There are just so many things we can juggle at once.” Actually, a normal life with healthy boundaries has about two to three things we juggle at once. That list usually includes a job, the kids and spouse and maybe one other item like a health, education or financial crisis.
Finding the Missing Peace
I understand what needs to be healed from the stories people tell about their lives. From there, we begin to reconstruct the missing parts; the holes in their life stories. I use talk and developmental therapy, but I also come from a place of neurobiology. Everyone’s mind works to protect them from something they encountered in the past. But now that protection feature only creates anxiety in the present. So, when a person is anxious, it is because their brain programed to get anxious or feel unsafe about something. I work into the talk therapy a mutual understanding of what the holes are and what needs to happen to make the mind connection to relax the body and also the anxious feelings. I also use EMDR to make healing begin to happen on the first of second visit, whenever possible.
I would love to be a part in restoring the missing security you need for your life. Contact me using the form to the right for a confidential appointment soon.