Sigmund Freud said, “Neuroses is the inability to tolerate ambiguity.”
However, John Wayne said, “Screw ambiguity!”
Who is right?
Let me first begin to define what I know qualifies as an ambiguous loss.
An Ambiguous Loss is harder to explain to others and harder to get empathy for than other types of losses. But it is none the less as or more devastating and debilitating as a definitive loss. Often a parent will even loses a sense-of-self and purpose.
I help parents suffering from what can be termed the ambiguous loss of a child. Ambiguous loss is the sense that the child has not died physically. However, because the child has not died, there is no closure, only the loss. The hopes and dreams every parent has for long-term relationship with their child, dreams that began when the child was born, are suddenly gone. The grief the parent experiences affects: their future mental and physical health, their ability to hold down a job, and their future relationship success. This lose hurts a parent’s relationship with seeing themselves as a parent and in their spiritual connection as well. Your child can be any age when this lose occurs.
Types of Ambiguous Loss Described
There are several types of ambiguous loss of a child(ren) or self that I help with:
- Adult child acting out in a socially or physically aggressive or ostracizing way
- Mental or Physically disabled child(ren)
- Minor child being physically, or emotionally abusive
- Parents of children who are coerced by the other parent or another family member to terminate, restrict or abuse a targeted parent. This is also know as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
- Loss of your own mental or physical health.
How I Will Help You
By helping parents restore a level of dignity and hope they are able to begin establishing healthy boundaries. We develop their resilience and we look at their resources. Often times a parent’s own trauma issues restrict their ability to process this new struggle. I help them establish the appropriate safeguards for possible restoration of relationship. We work to develop a healthy mind and body, connected to relationship with self in order to move into a healthy mind, body connection with their child now or in the future.
I have training as a Christian Counselor and can use the Bible or other Spiritual direction as appropriate in a counseling session.